RWRW

Reading

...The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri. Love it, love it, love it. My eyes keep welling up with tears. The first fifty pages, I thought, were especially beautiful. And then I just heard that there's a film version! I'm very excited to see it as soon as I finish.

I also read Possession by A.S. Byatt, which I enjoyed. I thought it was too long and unnecessarily filled with poetry (which I abhor). But the plot itself kept me very much interested. I remember seeing the film adaptation of Possession a few years ago, which was mediocre, I thought. But now that I've read the novel, I'm tempted to watch the film again. (Gwyneth Paltrow and... some tall handsome piece of eye-candy?)

Writing

...something new! My advisor has revisions of Chapter B, and has had them for about a month now. So, I've turned to a new chapter. I have about ten pages, single-spaced, of rough chunks of text. It isn't as easy writing as Chapter A was -- sometimes I feel like I'm forcing connections -- but I think it is coming together.

I'm trying to get back into some good habits and routines: a few single-spaced pages each day. Of course, departmental deadlines and applications are definitely getting in my way this week.

Running

...long distances. I did a long run of 12 miles on Sunday. But i actually am convinced it was 13 miles, and I doubt the reliability of my Runner's World mapping function. Overall, it felt pretty good. I was tired and a bit nauseous that afternoon, but had zero soreness the next morning. I'm considering a long run of 13-14 miles this coming weekend.

I think my motivation is going to suffer, however, because I just found out that the marathon I had in mind is sold out ! I didn't even know that could happen.

Watching

... Still meandering through episodes of Entourage, which continues to be highly entertaining, and Boston Legal. GD is a big fan of Boston Legal. I like it quite a bit, but sometimes I worry that it's just fills empty hours when we could be spending time together.

Rough Week

One of my students (anonymously) said some really hurtful things about me as a teacher, and I am really, deeply sad about it. It's difficult to focus on anything else, frankly, because I just keep running over the comments in my head and wondering what I could/should have done differently. It's particularly hard because I pride myself on my teaching, and these comments really hurt. It would be easier, I think, if I knew who made these comments, but because I don't, I feel this vague feeling of betrayal about my entire class.

When I try to think rationally, I can convince myself that this student is feeling insecure -- probably because s/he earned lower grades than expected, or because I am a young teacher and this student had some kind of bias coming into the class. Because years of strong teaching evals counts for something, right?

I just need to focus on the good and try to put this behind me. Yesterday, I went running with GD to try to shake it off and then drank a bit too much red wine with dinner, but I still found myself awake at 4am, replaying the comments in my head and feeling terrible. I'm trying to complete this massive chapter revision tonight and send it off to my adviser, and I hope that will make me feel better. 76 pages, woohoo!

RWRW

Reading David Lodge (again): this time, The British Museum is Falling Down. It's OK. Trying to be rapid-fire and witty, usually falling a bit flat. I'm interested in the whole Catholic sex/birth control/"Rhythm" discussion, though, so that's interesting. The literary allusions are difficult for me to identify, so the book makes me feel like a bit of a moron. Ah, well. But, I have to say that last time I did an RWRW, I was sort of dismissive about Lodge's "Therapy," which I really ended up loving. It wasn't the humor that did it for me; surprisingly, I was just really moved by the final third of the book, which seemed so reflective and spiritual. Overall, the falling-flat-humor from the first half, paired with the main character's mid-life crisis and chapters of ordinary redemption at the end, made for a rewarding reading experience. I recommend "Therapy" but I'm not sure I can say the same yet for "The British Museum is Falling Down." Once I've finished it, I'll have more to say, no doubt.

Writing. Did a good job at the end of last week. I went to Starbucks for two reasons: 1) still using up some Christmas gift cards, so it's free and 2) no wireless, which means that this polar bear can actually concentrate. I turned on TimeOut and worked in 2-hour increment, solidly. I finished about 20 pages of revisions, which felt pretty good. Still have work to do before I finish the revision. And mind you, it was due on Saturday in a loose sort of way, so I need to get it finished. It must be finished by Thursday morning, which is when I'm leaving on a trip. So the next three days? Work, work, work. However, there's one small snag in all this. A fellowship application is also due on Thursday. As they go, it's not a bad one. But the logistics of printing and delivering will probably take up the better part of a day, so I need to factor that into my work schedule.

Running... doing OK. I want to buy the "Non-Runner's Marathon" or whatever that's called. The University of Illinois (?) Intro to Marathoning program that turned into a book. It's supposed to be amazingly low-mileage -- culminates in a long run of 18 miles, which makes me a *wee* bit skeptical. I'd be okay, for some reason, with a final long run of 20-21 miles. It's probably an arbitrary difference, at that point. I did an 8-mile run on Saturday and felt OK. I'd like to do another long-ish (7-9 mi) run early this week before my trip, and then go on a medium run (5-6) over the weekend.

What did the other W stand for? Working, wallowing, wearing, whacking, whimpering, wilting, OH! it was watching. I watched a few episodes of Boston Legal over the weekend, which I'd never seen before, and thought it was very entertaining. My family lent me the boxed set, so there's that to work on. Entourage is still great!

Update.

In the middle of a grading shitstorm, but trying to carve out a few hours here and there for my own work, since I have a revision deadline uPON me. As in... a few days away. Procrastinating terribly... It's really bad.

Here's my plan for the day (updated):

1. Take the dog for a walk. DONE
2. Quick clean-up of kitchen, etc. DONE, but it sure wasn't quick
3. Start a load of laundry. DONE, but I started two already

and the things that I definitely haven't started:

4. Marker/highlighter rip-up of Part B of Chapter D.
5. Jump into some revisions of Chapter D.

Why I Love Vanity Fair

Meandering update

Had yoga last night. GD's work-flurry-that-consumed-February seems to be calming down, and that, paired with the spring-like weather, is making me calm down. I love this time of year. Trees are blossoming, birds are audible again. Starting to think ahead about a major spring trip (by major, i mean it requires an airplane) and minor spring trips, like weekend roadtrips into The Great Outdoors.

Departmental news has made me happy -- heard of two new job offers amidst my peers, which makes me feel more hopeful about my own future. Just learned that an internal funding opportunity (that I applied to a few weeks back) received 97 applications for only one spot, which made me feel less hopeful.

I am imposing new discipline on my writing habits. Turning off the internet for 1-2 hours at a time, to support work on this damned revision. I hope to finish in two weeks and then (!) turn to a new chapter!! Admittedly, this chapter isn't really making me very excited, now that I'm in the revision stage.

That's all for now.

RWRW

Reading: David Lodge's Therapy. I am a Lodge virgin, but people refer to him so often, so I decided I'd better give 'im a try. It's alright, so far. Not as funny as I had heard. But mildly entertaining, which is really all I expect out of my free time.

Writing: Nothing. Oh, it's so painful. Where has my motivation gone?

Running: In approximately five minutes, I will be out the door for a 5.5 mile run. Have some distant thoughts about a FULL marathon. I've run so many half-marathons now, and I feel that it's time to try out the real thing. More on this later.

Watching: much Entourage this weekend. Continues to entertain me, more than just mildly. And some Big Love, Season 3. It's so good. (A post on this show soon.) And, I was delighted to see Ray LaMontagne on SNL last night.

200th post!

We began this blog in July, have had (admittedly) many quiet spells and even lapses. But we're still chugging along, laughing at those who do and don't deserve it and monitoring our small triumphs and disappointments.

Overthinking

This is in response to my last post -- re: frustrations about dissertation feedback. I decided to spare myself weeks of agony and just confront my chair about this misunderstanding. So I wrote him a quick e-mail in which I explained my expectations for the feedback. I asked him whether it was unreasonable for me to ask for feedback on an early draft, and whether I should change my approach to the drafting process. He wrote back immediately and addressed my anxiety about this in clear terms, saying, no, it was perfectly okay to ask for feedback early, and the draft was fine, etc. etc. So the lesson learned is this: it's better to just name it. I've been trying to do this more lately. When something's bothering me, I think it's often more socially acceptable than we imagine to acknowledge that thing in plain, un-opinionated language -- people respond very quickly and usually the issue is more easily resolved than just silently floating around it for days or weeks. That's my family's way of doing things, and because that approach has frustrated me a whole lot, I'm trying to change the way I deal with conflict and stress.

How to sort through this revision mess?

My last revision took nearly 4 weeks, and I'm determined to be more efficient this time.

Last time, i began by systematically addressed my chair's comments from page one to page seventy. It took some time. Then, I printed out each section as its own chunk and covered my paragraphs with rewrites, comments, scratch-outs -- just tons and tons of marks. I went through each section systematically, reorganizing and rethinking and rewriting. And then I turned it in. My chair was very, very happy with that revision, so I want to achieve the same meticulous standard this time.

But I think I need to combine the two steps. So... I currently have a hard copy with my chair's comments. Here's my plan. I'm going to divide it into sections (like last time), and add my own comments to his. And only work on one section at a time. I don't think I'll begin with the introduction, but instead the first substantive "section" with evidence and its own sub-argument.

This is mostly psychological. I feel much better about the project when I'm holding ten pages in my hands that need revising... instead of seventy.

Time to dig out the clipboard, scissors, highlighters, and pens. Ironically, "strong paragraphing" is what I'm teaching my class tomorrow and Wednesday. Ha! I could learn a lot from myself.

Writing is Work

So, my chair got back to me with feedback on Chapter Four. I have mixed feelings about it all. He said, "good work" and "great material" (he's pretty standoffish about the whole "praise" thing). But, I sensed some frustration with my writing style and more troubling, my writing process.

Here's the problem. When I submitted this chapter to him (long, long ago, I might add), I was clear about the kind of feedback I wanted. I explained that it was an early draft, and there were segments in it that I was just uncertain about -- didn't know whether to cut or expand or what. So I wanted a second opinion.

But when he finally got back to me, the draft is covered with nitpicky comments about sentence structure and the way I introduce quotations. So I feel a bit frustrated, because I thought I was clear that I wasn't ready for that level of feedback yet, but honestly it was so long ago, I'm not surprised at all that he forgot my request. So, he read this draft, seeing sloppiness. He seems frustrated with some particular habits of mine (specifics about the way I introduce and deal with textual evidence), my overuse of the colon, etc, etc. I feel guilty about this sloppiness, but the truth is that it wasn't at all *meant* to be a polished draft. I just wanted to know if some different sections worked together -- if I should keep them.

AND, he suggested that I outline my ideas next time. Don't get me wrong. This advice was all mentioned in his usual tone, but I just felt like he misunderstood the kind of feedback I was hoping for. I don't want to spend months revising a chapter if half of it just doesn't belong.

Argh. So now I feel like I made a bad impression on my chair -- like I was misusing his time or something.

And on a completely unrelated note, there are some teenage boys screaming obscenities at each other just outside my window, and I'm worried if I go gawk at them from the window (which is what i really want to do), they'll yell at me.

Workouts

Saturday: 5 mile run
Sunday: 60 minutes workout w/ weights (I'm feeling this today)
Monday (so far): 20 minutes abs at 6AM and walked to campus (1.5 mi)
Monday night: 90 minutes of yoga

Thinking about a half-marathon for late spring. Undecided.

Need add an (L) for (L)istening

(L)istening to Bon Iver.  I love, love, love the song "Re: Stacks."  

RWRW

A good friend of mine does this on her blog, but with a small variation:

(R)eading

(W)atching

(R)unning

(W)riting

So here goes:

(R)eading Sherlock Holmes!  I read one Holmes story for fun this morning, and I'm planning another for this afternoon. These stories are great because they're so short, so you can fit them into your schedule pretty easily.  This morning: also read Strunk/White's Elements of Style from cover to cover.  Yes, I've *referred* to this book a great deal in the past, but I found it strangely enjoyable to read this morning, as a refresher.  It makes good sense, since I'm in the middle of this massive writing project.  Also, it was good validation of some of my feelings about writing--things I've always told my students, but wondered if there was any "authoritative" reason.  For instance, avoiding "this," writing "use" instead of "utilize" (ick, who does that, anyway?), and on and on. Also planning to read Zadie Smith's On Beauty this weekend or sometime soon.  And, of course, dissertation-related stuff.

(W)atching Entourage.  I just started!  Netflix brought the first disc of Season One this past week, and I was a bit skeptical at first, but I found it entertaining.  I'm excited that the next disc arrives in the mail today.

(R)unning around a large urban park this morning.  Total: 5 miles.  I've only run 30-35 miles in the month of February (I'm so ashamed), but this run felt pretty good.  It was chilly outside, but I had a few glimpses of sun and felt amazing on the way back.

(W)riting early notes for Chapter 4 Revisions.  My chair was supposed to get this to me last Saturday, then Tuesday, then Thursday, and I still haven't heard from him.  So I'm killing time by imagining gaps in the chapter and taking notes on relevant texts.  At very least, this work will give me a stronger critical grounding in this topic.

Resting = Energy-efficient

This is a random memory from a job I had many years ago.  I was explaining to my new-age, hippie co-worker that I had never been much of a napper (I'm still not), but that I really reveled in those silent moments on the couch, just laying there and thinking.. or not thinking.  She said, in response, that it was great to nap, or just rest, because these were completely energy-free activities.  This state-of-being doesn't require the TV on or the light on or even much calorie expenditure.  It's a way of being in the world that is ultimately efficient.  And for some reason, I really liked that response.  

**for the record, i have no real hostility toward hippies.  I feel that I was raised in a powerfully hippie environment and therefore have full rights to mock their ways (accompanied by some resigned fondness).